I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The struggles of a small town man whore
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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