What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
