Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
