they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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