Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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