How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize