oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
