You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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