Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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