i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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