There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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