I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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