there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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