no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
