Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
