Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
