I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
