Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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