there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
