Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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