Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize