All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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