no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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