saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
try to milk me bitch
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
