Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
