Are we in a gay sports bar?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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