Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize