U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
