I feel like abortions should bother me more
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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