that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
