did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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