It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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