I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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