she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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