you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
