had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
