I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
