you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
