when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
