God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
