what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
