apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
