My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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