"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
