we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
