So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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