i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
