My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
