i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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