i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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