it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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