pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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