Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
