ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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