Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
