I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
