Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
