see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
