Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
