Just fell off a train. Bad.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
