Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
