ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
