I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
