It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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