I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
